Reflections

I've been thinking a lot about what I wanted to write today. I suppose this new year brings in a sense of new beginnings, and a time to reflect upon the things we have learnt and what we want to continue learning.

Instead of writing down a list of resolutions this year, I decided that I wanted to reflect on the things that have happened in my life this past 2005 and talk about some of the lessons God has taught me and how I have grown this past year. I also want to set some realistic goals, things that in my own personal life I want to work towards and grow and develop in my life.

There were many changes that occured in my life in 2005. If any of you know me, change and me don't exactly go hand in hand. God brought into my life a wonderful man who I became engaged to. He brought me through the complicated mess of planning a wedding, and all the while kept me sane! God took us through the journey of finding a place to live, and encountering some hardships along the way with a flooded basement and damaged valuables of ours. I moved out of my parents house and embarked on the adventure of marriage and a life of my own. It proved to be a little hard at first, with many emotions as the change was fairly significant. Many changes took place as my husband and I took on responsabilities like paying for rent, for food, and basically for anything and everything we needed. I was no longer the single care free woman I once used to be. Sharing a life with another person changed my life completely. Starting in September of 2005, I took on the dual role of a Youth Leader in senior high and junior high ministries, which also proved to be a big change for me. In November of 2005 God brought a change to my parents, my siblings and myself as we were introduced for the first time to our Dad's father, and our Grandpa whom we had never met.

There were A LOT of lessons to be learnt in 2005 for me. Actually, more lessons than I think I have ever been given. I kept asking God..."Okay God, whats the deal! Does EVERYTHING have to be a teaching moment! I don't know how much more teaching I can get" haha. And God just said, "Yup".
Whether it was our flooded basement, the hardships with the wedding planning, or our car troubles again and again, or health issues with my mom, or Stephen's brother not being able to make it to the wedding...God just kept whispering in my ear, "Be still and know that I am God". There were times when I didn't want to listen. I wanted to get angry or be hurt or upset. There were times when I was scared and worried and anxious. But God never stopped whispering those words. He was teaching me that I can't control my life. He is all knowing and all powerful and knows exactly what he is doing. He was teaching me to role with the punches. To take everything as it was, and lay it at the foot of the cross, without worry or fear, but just in trust and faith. God was trying to teach me to be still. To be content in his arms, and know that whatever I go through, he will carry me through it.
As I went through the change of becoming a married woman this past 2005, God really taught me a lesson in unconditional love and self sacrifice. I don't know about any of you other married women out there, but once you get married, life is devoted to unconditional love and sacrifice. You just can't get by without it in your marriage. Daily, I must remind myself that everything isn't always about me. In my marriage, God has been teaching me to be sacrificial in everything I do. To think of Stephen before myself ALWAYS. To love him, no matter our differences or the annoyances or the hurt that we can cause one another. God has been teaching me to show love in everything that I do. To glorify God in ALL of my actions in my home and towards my husband.
Something that I think God has been wanting me to learn for a long time is to be able to rely on Christ and not my emotions. Stephen often tells me when I am anxious or upset about something to sit down and ask myself, what do I know as TRUTH. Is what I am feeling right now truth, or just my emotions telling me something that isn't true? It has been extremely helpful as I go through discerning moments where I just need to be able to say, God...you want me to give this up to and I need to do that right now.

There are a few goals that I have in mind for 2006. My goal is to be humble, obediant, faithful, transparent and vulnerable servant of Christ. I want to be more faithful in trusting Christ and his plans for my life, whatever way that may look. My goal this next year is to have more of a servanthood attitude. To be willing to help whenever and wherever, and enjoy doing so. I want to be able to sacrifice things in my life, and ultimately become less selfish.
My goal is to learn how to love my husband the way he needs to be loved. One of my goals also is to pray for my husband more. I don't do it enough.


There are so many more things, but I just wanted to highlight a few.
It is a cool thing for me this year to be able to think about 2006 and what it holds and genuinly be excited about the path that God has for myself and for my husband and I together. I tend to be a pessimist, and so when thinking about the future, I tend to think negatively. I wonder what hardships will happen next, and how I will ever survive. But in these past few weeks I've really been excited to see where God takes me, what things he decides to put in my life to teach me lessons. Undoubtedly they will be frustrating and hard, and stretching my in every direction. But I know that God will be there to carry me through. I know he wants me struggle so that I build my character. And I think I can handle that, and should choose to be excited about the amazing things God is going to do in molding my life.